3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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