this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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