god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
false alarm, still single
You left your phone here
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