I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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