You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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