I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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