yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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i've created a new STD.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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