I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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