I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
