I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize