You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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