I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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