im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize