Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize