the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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