my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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