you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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