So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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