When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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