My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
