Me too!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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