Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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