WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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