he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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