i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize