so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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