and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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