I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize