I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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