Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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