he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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