How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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