I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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