Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize