Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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