I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize