Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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