You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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