I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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