i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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