My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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