everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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