She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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