your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize