Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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