can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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