farters have to be the big spoon...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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