Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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