I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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