Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the condom got lost in my hair
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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