Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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